Vise Bolt

-this is so ankhward

Hello. Welcome to Sean's Shitty Decks. Sorry I died.

For the curious, I stopped writing when I started running the Legacy weekly event at Card Kingdom. I quit that job last week, started a new one Monday, and went directly from the office to the card shop. It won't be easy reclaiming the title of "guy who wins with some seriously stinky decks", but the journey of a thousand steps starts with looking up Black Vise every match.

My very own Greg, courteous as ever, built a "sweet" deck for Monday but passed it off to me in order to commentate on the evening's matches.  Greg is not well known for arriving early, which is why there aren't pictures of the pile (I was sleeving cards well after the first round's pairings were posted). However, as a special one-time courtesy, here is the list I played.

4 Eidolon of the Great Revel
4 Goblin Guide
3 Fireblast
4 Lightning Bolt
3 Shrapnel Blast
4 Chain Lightning
4 Lava Spike
4 Rift Bolt

4 Ankh of Mishra
4 Black Vise
2 Sulfuric Vortex

4 Great Furnace
16 Mountain
SB: 2 Price of Progress
SB: 2 Red Elemental Blast
SB: 2 Pyroblast
SB: 1 Sulfuric Vortex
SB: 2 Pyrostatic Pillar
SB: 4 Searing Bloot
SB: 2 Smash to Smithereens

Ankhs? You're welcome.

Round 1: Joel Brown w/ 12-Post

I found myself on camera this round- here's the twitch link while it's alive. I'll expound.

Starting an awkward pattern, my opponent won the roll and went to six. I joined him and started with 0 Black Vise, 3 Goblin Guides, Shrapnel Blast, Lava Spike, Mountain.

Joel led with Forest into Amulet of Vigor, which stressed me out a little. I replied with Goblin Guide and attacked. Trinisphere got revealed, which stressed me out a lot. Joel followed up with a Vesuva, copying Forest and revealing a little more of his plan to me.  The second Guide joins the field, and together with a Lava Spike, drop Joel to 11. The Guides revealed a Glimmerpost and Sylvan Scrying, solidifying my idea of Joel's strategy. He replies with a Glacial Chasm, which was sad. I play out a useless very helpful Black Vise and an extra Mountain, while Joel pays 2 life. then 4. However, even with the aid of a Glimmerpost, he can't pay 6, and Shrapnel Blast gives me enough to one-shot him. (I could have used Fireblast and Lightning Bolt, but Shrapnel Blast is stylin'.)

I boarded out the Ankhs, according to commentary, for Smash to Smithereens and Price of Progress.

Joel, cleverly playing around my Vises, went to six again, and I kept a vanilla Burn opener. His start was Forest, Exploration, Forest, Amulet of Vigor. Black Vise was the first draw. My reply of Goblin Guide showed me yet another Glacial Chasm, but he deployed a Cloudpost (untapped) instead of it. My second attack revealed an Eye of Ugin, and I ran out an Eidolon of the Great Revel. Like a gentleman, my opponent cast a 3-mana spell in the form of Animist's Awakening for 2.. but not before playing the Eye and Glacial Chasm to reduce my Eidolon's effectiveness.  The Awakening landed him a Vesuva (second Cloudpost). I couldn't really attack, but I had drawn a lucky artifact in the form of Great Furnace. Joel fell to 14, which was depressing, then played a Karn Liberated, which was too. Karn slayed my Eidolon of the Great Revel, unlocking my spells, but you can't burn Planeswalkers through a Glacial Chasm. Goblin Guide knocked Karn to 1, revealing a second Animist's Awakening. Cumulative Upkeep brought Joel to 10. That Awakening was for 6 and found a Glimmerpost, bringing him back to 13, while Karn gained 4 and ate a Lightning Bolt from my hand. Joel inadvertently revealed a Wurmcoil Engine as his last card on this turn, thinking Karn ate cards from both players. Goblin Guide put Karn back at exactly 3 while revealing a Sylvan Scrying, and I gave the goblin some company by casting a Black Vise. The upkeep pulled him back down to 7, and Joel deposited the Wurmcoil, maybe missing an opportunity to Scry for a Glimmerpost. He couldn't afford to pay for 4 age counters on his next turn, and there was enough instant-speed burn in my hand to choke a horse and take the match 2-0.

Joel revealed a bunch of Leylines of Sanctity after the match. Guess he wasn't just playing around Black Vise..

Round 2: Time Ston Tim Stone w/ Death and Taxes 

Tim is a Portland local who's in Seattle for business, and we get down to business at Card Kingdom's Legacy night. He also has 8 Vintage decks, y'know, just in case.

My opponents continued their streak of mulliganning on the play versus this stupid Black Vise deck, while I kept a seven with two Goblin Guides. His start was Wasteland into AEther Vial, excuse me, foil Wasteland into foil AEther Vial. I replied with Goblin Guide, revealing a Swords to Plowshares. He tapped out for an Umezawa's Jitte on his second turn, so I hit him with two Goblin Guides and suspended a Rift Bolt. He deposited a Thalia with his Vial and equipped the Jitte, but I just paid the tax on my slow Bolt. Attacking dropped him to 10, and I had Fireblast and two more Bolts to send us to the second game.

I took out the Black Vises on the draw, which convinced me to cut the Shrapnel Blasts as well. The swap was for, I believe, the Smashes, Sulfuric Vortex, and the Searing Bloods.
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We both got to keep our sevens. HIs had a Leyline of Sanctity. Hm. AEther Vial via a Plains started him off, making a lot of my deck very awkward. Goblin Guide started me off for the fourth game straight, revealing a Swords. While I was updating my notes, he dropped a Cavern, "naming Soldiers", and I looked up to see a Kor Firewalker. Hmm. Despite having the cleverest reply in Ankh of Mishra, he managed to pull this game out. Getting him to 10 was an achievement I'm proud of. 
(Tim, if you're reading this, sorry that I'm glossing over this one.)

After this game, I realized that sideboarding with this deck was very non-trivial. I think I decided on something close to the game 1 build, cutting Ankhs for the Smashes, Price of Progress, and going to 61 cards for the third Vortex.

For the rubber game, my opener contained 2 Mountains and 16 points of direct damage, which I very, very grudgingly sent back.  Fortunately, I'm a master- Tim had drawn another Leyline. My turn 1 had another Goblin Guide, revealing a Phyrexian Revoker. Tim returned with another AEther Vial. The second attack showed a Batterskull, and my only followup was a Great Furnace. Wasteland hit the field for Tim, and I tried not to look nervously at it, since the only playable card left in my hand was a Sulfuric Vortex. Luckily, he tapped out to play an Umezawa's Jitte. Attacking with Goblin Guide revealed a second Revoker, with the Sulfuric Vortex right behind it.  Tim used the Vial to summon Thalia and equipped it with his Jitte, but that just gave me an out for a Chain Lightning in my hand and an opportunity to cast a Black Vise. Tim, light on lands, still had 5 cards in hand, and could only duplicate his last turn's play with the inferior Phyrexian Revoker. I attacked into it, giving him a land and two charge counters, but with an inability to gain life (and a second Black Vise), Tim was too far behind to catch back up.

Turns out, he had boarded in Disenchants! Man! That would have been really good!

We played another match, some Vintage on camera, and after my draws I can attest to Tim's status as Good Sport #1. I got to exile his Blightsteel Colossus with a Duplicant. Whattaguy.

Round 3: Matt Staver w/ Jund

Good ol' Jund. He won the roll, but got to keep his starter. Bayou and Deathrite Shaman started him off, while I replied with a Very Impressive Black Vise. His Hymn to Tourach got my second and last land from my hand, and the Shaman's attack put me to 19. Luckily, I drew a Great Furnace and got to both kill his Elf with Lightning and summon a Goblin Guide. A second Hymn ran me out of cards, but he didn't have a follow-up permanent. I topdecked an Ankh of Mishra (so ankhward), cast it, and got to see another Deathrite when the Guide swung. He played a 6/7 Tarmogoyf, which qualified as "pretty big". (I didn't mention that he caught an Ankh and a Sulfuric Vortex with his Hymns.) I drew a Rift Bolt and suspended it, trying to fade Lilianas. He swung for 6, I didn't block, and he played the Deathrite from earlier and a Polluted Delta. I happily Bolted the Deathrite, drew a Shrapnel Blast, and attacked him to 10. At the cost of 3 life from my Ankh, Liliana hit the field and killed my Guide. His attack put me at 7, and I cast the Shrapnel Blast and prayed. Unfortunately, I had more Mountains than this place and died to the lethal Goyf.

On the play, I did the unthinkable- cast a Black Vise! Matt went to 18, having mulliganned, then played a Bayou and passed back. Eidolon of the Great Revel hit my side of the field, meeting Matt's Punishing Fire, dropping him to 14 on the turn. Completing the trifecta of Annoying Permanents, I cast a Sulfuric Vortex, but declined to remember the trigger in lieu of updating my notes on the match. It caught a Maelstrom Pulse (the Vortex, not my notes), and I replied with my second Eidolon. I then had to read Kolaghan's Command, which, at the cost of 2 life, destroyed all my non-land permanents. The second Sulfuric Vortex sealed the game up, backed up with some targeted burn. 

I swapped the Vises for the Searing Bloods in the rubber match, convinced they'd be good after game 2.

He kept a six, while my opener was sufficient. Badlands was his only turn 1 play, while I suspended a Rift Bolt. Hymn to Tourach killed an extraneous land and a generic burn spell, and Ankh of Mishra was my follow-up to 3 damage from Rift Bolt. Unafraid, Matt played a land and summoned both Dark Confidant and Deathrite Shaman, and the latter suffered a Searing Blood, bringing life totals to 19-11 in my favor. His Confidant revealed a Badlands, and dealt two damage to my face. Scavenging Ooze joined his field. I played a land, then paid retail for a Rift Bolt, hoping Dark Confidant would do some of my dirty work. On cue, Bloodbraid Elf was revealed, bringing Matt to 7, and he suffered an extra two to play a land and summon the hasty creature. Cascade stopped at a Dark Confidant, and Matt reasonably declined to cast a second win condition for me. I cast an Eidolon of the Great Revel, hoping that the bonus damage from Dark Confidant would swing the game in my favor. Bob revealed a land, and a second Bloodbraid Elf was summoned, tapping Matt out with no benefit- the Punishing Fire revealed from cascade was too risky to cast, in his opinion. Both Elves attacked me down to 6. I drew a Fireblast, but with two Great Furnaces and exactly one Mountain, had to summon a Goblin Guide on blocking duty. Unfortunately, Matt had yet a third Bloodbraid Elf. Casting Goblin Guide had dropped me to 4, and there wasn't a block that prevented 8 damage to my face.

Round 4: Shawn Yu w/ Miracles

Shawn Yu has, historically, lost to Burn. I'm obligated not to say anything else.

I won the roll, and drew a hand of five two-drops (includes Ankh, Eidolon, Sulfuric Vortex) and two lands. Shawn kept his starting seven, and I led a Great Furnace and a hand motion. Shawn, confused, played an Arid Mesa and shipped back. Hoping to bait, I attempted an Ankh of Mishra. The Ankh was met with "what in tarnation", a fetch, a Brainstorm, and a Force of Will. Shawn added a Flooded Strand and passed back to me. I cast an Eidolon, which also met a Force of Will. Brainstorm started Shawn's turn, followed by a land, a fetch, and a Counterbalance. I took that opportunity to field my Sulfuric Vortex, which resolved. My notes actually end here- the game was 20-14 and I got lazy. Sorry! (But I did manage to win that one.)

Some cards got boarded in, including the Pyroblasts.

Shawn led with a Top, followed by my Goblin Guide, revealing an Island. He played a Plains, followed by a confident Brainstorm. Despite having a second Goblin Guide, I attacked directly after drawing, meeting the expected Terminus via Top after a land reveal. An Eidolon resolved, and I passed the turn. Shawn spent a Swords to put the score at 22-16, then played a Ponder (keeping) and a Scalding Tarn. I cast my second Guide, which met a fetch and a miss; my Chain Lightning hit a Flusterstorm. Brainstorm found Shawn a pair of Divining Tops, while Lightning Bolt found Shawn's face post-combat, bringing him to 8. Suspending Rift Bolt tapped me out. A quick Plains then pass made me suspicious, but I attacked anyway into an Entreat the Angels for 3. Despite fighting for a bit, the 3 Angels made short work of my life total.

Between games, Shawn asked "How badly are you going to gloat if you beat me with this terrible burn deck?", and I said, "I'll leave the gloating to Greg, I promise."

Game 3's start couldn't have been better- we both kept 7, and I resolved a Black Vise. Shawn graciously received 3 damage, then played a land and a Top. Ankh of Mishra resolved, and I finally had an answer for everyone who had asked "Why are you playing Vise and Ankh?" Black Vise put my opponent to 15. Brainstorm in the main phase found Shawn a fetchland, but using it dropped him to 10 like it was a Modern tournament. With a hand full of awkward cards, I played a Mountain (ow) and a second Vise. Since he hadn't yet played out his hand, Shawn took a combined two from the Vises, but assembled the Top + Counterbalance combo while dropping his hand size. Playing a land had dropped him to 6. I tapped out to cast Rift Bolt for retail, which resolved, but the lethal Fireblast met a Force of Will, leaving me with an Eidolon of the Great Revel and only a single Mountain to cast it. I

Shawn passed after drawing, and my topdecked Lava Spike met the expected Counterbalance trigger. A Vendilion Clique revealed my awkward strategy to Shawn (draw a second land, cast a 2/2), and he sent my creature to the bottom, replaced by a Lightning Bolt. Over the course of the next 3 turns, the Clique dealt me 9 damage, but its controller was locked out of both playing lands and playing counterspells. With five cards in hand, he cast a Ponder and then Flusterstormed it, escaping the grip of the Vises- but then I just Fireblasted him for lethal. ♣ 

Black Vise is really.. something. It is definitely an artifact to sacrifice to Shrapnel Blast, which I attested to on camera. The presence of that particular Blast reminded me of the Big Red decks from Mirrodin/Kamigawa Standard, and playing a red deck that tried to lock out the opponent. I never actually assembled the combo of Vise / Ankh / Eidolon, but that feels like a Death and Taxes board position more than a Burn deck's stance. Maybe we should have called this Death and Death?

In all seriousness, having the disruptive artifacts really gave this deck some game against the normal control decks, on an axis I've never seen before. Round 4, Game 1 definitely did not feel like playing a burn deck versus a deck with Counterbalance and Terminus- instead, I got to jab at my opponent's defenses before landing a haymaker. 

You're asking a reasonable question- Is this deck good? I don't have a good answer, but..

Until next time, scoreboard.
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